It is OK to be fat...

So there are a lot of posts on Facebook today about "accept yourself as you are" "it's ok to be fat" "eat the burger if you want the burger".  I have been sent a book before, "The Fat Girl's Guide to Life".  I am right along with the world in this most days - I'll eat taco bell... and dairy queen for dinner.  I'll do better tomorrow.  I want it so I am going to get it.  "I do what I want".

I.DON'T.WANT.TO.BE.FAT.

I can't tie my shoes.
I can't fit into most clothes.
I can't run quickly at all.
I can't sleep through the night without something hurting.
I can't look in the mirror.
I can't wipe my butt easily.
I can't just play.
I worry about weight limits a lot.
I broke, not just 1, but 3 toilet seats at my house.
I broke my dining room chair.
I can't go on roller coasters.
... I love roller coasters.
I can't walk down rows in classrooms.
I can't reach babies out of their cribs.
I can't use a standard step stool.
I can't sit on my husband's lap.
I broke a student desk by sitting on it.
I worry going into an elevator.
I don't like to step on the tailgate of trucks... weight limits.

All the sayings are true... It is OK to be fat.  I just don't want to be. I want to not think about it what others are thinking. I want to not freak out when the toilet stall is too small for me to lean as far over as I have to now to wipe properly.  I want to hug my husband and have him spin me around (just once, then never again because I think that its weird).  I want to do a body weight element, and not think about how the others would be struggling too if they had as much body weight as I do.  I want to know that I can reach and stick to a goal.  I want to be a healthy pregnant person.  I want to be a healthy parent.  I want to have habits in my home so my kids never ever have to feel this way.  I want to be more than the fat lady.  I want to dress nice - I LOVE pretty clothes, and fancy pants suits and button up shirts and  shoes that have heels and slacks that are pressed well and have the crease on the front and tank tops and racer back shirts and yoga pants and cute workout gear and shorts - i love shorts.  I want the confidence that comes along with it.  I want to see a XXL t-shirt and not worry if its big enough.  I want to not be fat.

It is OK to be fat.  It is OK for someone else to be fat.  Not me.  I don't know how to make it stick.  It is so much easier to be fat.  No one thinks twice when I order extra food.  I also think its funny that people say "you really don't eat much" ha - you didn't see the Jack In the Box I ate on the way to your house to have dinner so that I could eat less. I don't know how to make it stick.  Javier supports me -- either way.  My family supports me -- either way.  My friends support me -- either way.  My gym supports me - the right way.  Its me. I don't support me consistently.

I thought this morning on the way to work that I just wanted to be on the biggest loser - but I don't have a story to cry about.  My family exercised, no one died, no one hurt me, i've got tons of friends, a husband that loves me.  I have a job.  I have no excuses at all.  No Jillian break through will change that.  I NEED TO CHANGE THAT.

I want to be a motivator to my students. Childhood obesity is such an issue.  A real issue.  I'd like to try to hep with that, but who is going to listen to a fat lady about food choices?  I want to be an example... naturally - without surgery or supplements.  I can.

I can.